On the point related to the event you talked about, of the girl not knowing the WiFi password, and not knowing how to deal with the situation, mentally or socially; I actually asked a man today ''Have you ever just said 'No' to someone? Without saying anything else, and I mean, nothing else?''
What I was asking was, have you ever just said 'No' without any anger or excess emotion - and not had to lead up to it, to soften the word or your position, just said the word 'No'. And I was also meaning - it was accepted by itself, with no further debate, and was accepted with a mature response.
(I've asked other people this at other times in the past and have gotten a similar reaction)
The reaction is a kind of dissonance, or mental resistance - kind of like, to use a cheap example, when in the film 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘺, after the maniac hitchhiker explains his idea of creating and selling a video for a '7 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘴' workout - when he has the suggestion put to him; what if someone else brings out a '6 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘴' workout video? - he can't process it properly, and freaks out.
I haven't had people freak out when I've asked this - they've just had that mental block to this simple suggestion - and their mind tries to frame it as ''...he's asking me have I ever objected to something, and told the other person that I didn't want to do the thing asked by them, or give them the thing they've asked for''.
They don't admit they've never just said 'No', and nothing else, without any emotional response or explanation, usually because they can't even register the question, in it's true meaning or implications.
It's such a simple thing, that seemingly can't be understood simply.
I remember the first time I actually did it - and I think I didn't even do it myself until I was in my thirties. My Mother asked me to print something out, from my computer. I instantly knew it was a waste of my time to do the thing asked of me, in terms of actually printing it out, and also knowing, the print out would possibly never be used. Also, it wasn't even for her, it was for one of my Sisters (which majorly swayed my instant decision). I didn't think about it too much, but a light did switch on in my brain, like my mind was 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 to try this new avenue, and felt completely justified to do so.
I just said to my Mother - without any build up, or anger or any excess emotion 'No'.
I only kept eye contact for as long as any other straight forward comment in communication, and didn't trail off or follow up with anything else. She kind of did a very more subtle and very more real, human version, of the '6 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘴' reaction... and then I think I could palpably feel her resentment towards me. I can't actually remember the rest of what happened, though I think she tried to have an argument with me.
I also think then for a while, my Sisters had something to say to me - like they had a burning comment i.e. ''did you say 'No' to Ma recently?'' - they didn't mention it though.
I asked my Brother a while after, have you ever just said 'No' to Mam when she asked you for something, and you said nothing else?'' - he understood what I said, took a second to actually reaffirm to himself and picture the implications of what I meant, and he burst into fits of laughter.
...I think his understanding of society, became slightly more expanded that day. Although he has, quite abruptly, refused me once or twice since then, when asking him for something, and I think he needs to be taken down a peg.
Thank you Sam - this is another great one.
On the point related to the event you talked about, of the girl not knowing the WiFi password, and not knowing how to deal with the situation, mentally or socially; I actually asked a man today ''Have you ever just said 'No' to someone? Without saying anything else, and I mean, nothing else?''
What I was asking was, have you ever just said 'No' without any anger or excess emotion - and not had to lead up to it, to soften the word or your position, just said the word 'No'. And I was also meaning - it was accepted by itself, with no further debate, and was accepted with a mature response.
(I've asked other people this at other times in the past and have gotten a similar reaction)
The reaction is a kind of dissonance, or mental resistance - kind of like, to use a cheap example, when in the film 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘺, after the maniac hitchhiker explains his idea of creating and selling a video for a '7 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘴' workout - when he has the suggestion put to him; what if someone else brings out a '6 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘴' workout video? - he can't process it properly, and freaks out.
I haven't had people freak out when I've asked this - they've just had that mental block to this simple suggestion - and their mind tries to frame it as ''...he's asking me have I ever objected to something, and told the other person that I didn't want to do the thing asked by them, or give them the thing they've asked for''.
They don't admit they've never just said 'No', and nothing else, without any emotional response or explanation, usually because they can't even register the question, in it's true meaning or implications.
It's such a simple thing, that seemingly can't be understood simply.
I remember the first time I actually did it - and I think I didn't even do it myself until I was in my thirties. My Mother asked me to print something out, from my computer. I instantly knew it was a waste of my time to do the thing asked of me, in terms of actually printing it out, and also knowing, the print out would possibly never be used. Also, it wasn't even for her, it was for one of my Sisters (which majorly swayed my instant decision). I didn't think about it too much, but a light did switch on in my brain, like my mind was 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 to try this new avenue, and felt completely justified to do so.
I just said to my Mother - without any build up, or anger or any excess emotion 'No'.
I only kept eye contact for as long as any other straight forward comment in communication, and didn't trail off or follow up with anything else. She kind of did a very more subtle and very more real, human version, of the '6 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘴' reaction... and then I think I could palpably feel her resentment towards me. I can't actually remember the rest of what happened, though I think she tried to have an argument with me.
I also think then for a while, my Sisters had something to say to me - like they had a burning comment i.e. ''did you say 'No' to Ma recently?'' - they didn't mention it though.
I asked my Brother a while after, have you ever just said 'No' to Mam when she asked you for something, and you said nothing else?'' - he understood what I said, took a second to actually reaffirm to himself and picture the implications of what I meant, and he burst into fits of laughter.
...I think his understanding of society, became slightly more expanded that day. Although he has, quite abruptly, refused me once or twice since then, when asking him for something, and I think he needs to be taken down a peg.